I walked into the Adlab and found it was empty. This was unusual, but not unheard of. I hated walking in here when there was no one here because now I would have to stay until someone showed up or I figure out how to lock the door. You see the Adlab was essentially a room full of computers and other expensive gadgets, like Jeff’s creepy lamp that is a baby’s body with a light bulb head. All very valuable things, and left alone could be stolen by anyone.
Now I know what you are thinking, “this is BYU, no one steals anything at BYU.” And you’re right, we are a school of practically robot-like individuals with zero to no flaws but that doesn’t mean there aren’t students from other schools visiting our campus, waiting for us to let our guard down so they can come in and steal that yellow jump suit Jeff keeps in his office from the Holiday Inn music video. These things are collectable yo. Plus the Bradley Lab has a bunch of PC’s that well, someone might want. Maybe.
The jump suit kinda looks like this. Yellow and jumpy.
I fiddled with the Adlab door lock for about three minutes trying to figure out how to lock it. The technology was way too advanced for me, there must have been at least 6 buttons and as many as one card swipe. I had no idea what I was doing. Frustrated, I planted my hind end on the couch and took my postion as guard of the Adlab. The quiet calm silence of the lab gave me a rare moment of clarity. The lab was usually so full of noise, fun, and Sara’s music that actually being able to hear my own thoughts was a unique moment. I didn’t like it. The bustling of the adlab was what brings great ideas to my head. Left alone to my thoughts, I just tend to get on facebook or watch videos on this new website I found called youtube.
I stared at the TV for about three minutes. Where was everyone? Was I the last person on the planet? Holy smokes! If I was the last person on the planet how long would I stay here guarding these computers? I imagined an alien civilization coming into the dusty lab, the remnants of great campaigns laying in dirty corners. A Gatorade mood board still showing the mood of Gatorade standing silently in the corner. There on the couch, the alien would find my dusty bones clutching an iphone with words with friends still open, waiting for a returning turn that would never come.
The thought gave me the willeys. Not the free willeys but the real willeys, the kind that make you shiver. It had been ten minutes with no sign of another human being. This was unheard of! Never had I sat alone in this place for so long. I looked up and noticed the neon “open” sign was off. Oh no. Had the Adlab gone out of business? It couldn’t be! We had done so many awesome things in this place. Music videos, Doritos commercials, Gatorade, Utah County Fair. Who would do these things if there was no Adlab. Where would the students go to get real world experience. What would Jeff’s family think, seeing him home so much? The thoughts were to scary to dwell on.
I realized that I really had to go to the bathroom. This presented an awkward challenge for me. I couldn’t leave but this problem wasn’t going to just go away. I began looking around for a bucket. Nothing. Jeff had a ton of drawers but they were all full of papers and other business-like stuff that I am sure he wants to keep. Sweat began to form on my brow. Where was everyone? Was it the end of the world? Was the Adlab out of business? Oh man, I really needed someone to get in here.
I got on a computer, printed off a note of help, paid for the printing appropriately on the machine as I should, and threw the note into a soda can I found in the recycling bin. I opened the door and threw the can and note outside. Maybe someone would find my note, my plea for relief and come and help me. After throwing the note, I realized that can would have been a perfect solution to my bathroom problem. Now I was miserable. I was frightened and alone. But I wouldn’t give up my post. We were a real agency with real clients and real data on these computers. Plus I knew of several saved homework assignments I had on the drive. I wouldn’t give them up, I wouldn’t lose these computers to some thief looking for a quick buck or an amazing campaign concept. I would guard this until death.
Like this man, I would never leave my post. I would also wear my hat slightly to side because that's gangster.
The door suddenly opened and in walked the entire lab. Weeping I arose from the couch and began hugging them. The hugs lasted far too long and were really wet from my tears but I didn’t care. Where had they been? They stared uncomfortably and informed me it was Thursday at 11:00 am. Every Thursday at 11:00, we had a meeting to discuss clients, learn cool tricks and get candy from Jeff. That last thing was a lie but I always hoped it would happen.
Even though I really needed to leave to use the bathroom, I decided that something else was more important. Dramatically, I walked over and flipped the switch on the neon open sign. The sign lit up. I began to recount a speech I had prepared. Yelling I said, “This lab shall be open forever, none shall take it down. We shall move -” “Shhhh”, said three PR students, “you’ve been making so much noise, the last hour with all your crying and screaming.” Crying? Last hour? Had they been in the room the entire time. They are so quiet. So I could have left at any time? Well if I learned one lesson it was that this year, we needed to spend some of our budget, getting bells on those kids so I would know when they were in the room.
And that’s just what we did, because we are the Adlab and we rock at stuff like that.